o often we spend countless hours focusing and even fretting over our relationships with other people, asking ourselves countless questions about other people (i.e. do they like me, will they call me, what are they thinking, how can I impress them...)
While it is important to regularly examine our relationships and put in the work to ensure they are healthy and strong...even more important is our relationship with ourselves. How we feel about ourselves matters. How we talk to and about ourselves is important. Believe it or not, the way we feel about ourselves, directly or indirectly impacts every other relationship we find ourselves in.
Let me remind you...everywhere you go, there you are. While you can decide when and how to engage others, the reality is you can never escape you. When you rise, there you are. When you steal away for quiet time, there you are. When you find yourself in a myriad of emotions from day to day, there you are. The reality is you can never escape you.
So, in realizing that, it's more important than ever to regularly examine your relationship with you. Start by asking yourself a few important questions:
Do you suffer from paralysis of analysis? Do you have a thought or dream that you have been holding onto for a VERY long time, but are waiting for further instructions before you push the button and move forward? Are you "almost" ready to make a move, but aren't quite confident enough to take a leap? If this is your story, then join Dr. Nicole Steele as she serves up another Cup of Confidence.
Click here to listen - https://shows.acast.com/pricelessperspectivepodcast/episodes/why-your-waiting-is-not-working
LESSONS LEARNED FROM BARBIE
Like so many others around the country, I grew up to be a true Barbie fan. In my recent Book, The Tale of 10 Crowns I talk about how my Barbie collection was vast, and my accessory game was tight including everything from the Barbie Dream House, Motor Home, Corvette Car, and more.
As an only child, I spent countless hours playing with Barbie dolls, and my mother and aunt were very intentional about going out of their way to ensure the dolls within my collection looked like me. While the selection of brown Barbie dolls was very limited for many years, they would seek them out to ensure that I saw myself represented within the diversity of my own personal Barbie world.
As time progressed, Matel began to release "limited edition" Barbie dolls which were set apart in a class of their own. The limited-edition Barbie was unique in design, often admired and always handled with extreme care. Above all, the limited-edition Barbie often gained value over time.
As I reflect on the whole Barbie craze with the release of the new Barbie motion picture blockbuster, I am reminded of how each of us is a limited edition. Each with our unique fingerprint and DNA. We are each set apart with an individual mix of gifts and talents that should be celebrated and fully embraced. Like with limited edition Barbie Dolls, we should be valued and handled with extreme care.
Like a limited-edition Barbie, it's time to stop trying to fit in, and instead embrace the fact that you were designed to stand out. Recognize and celebrate the fact that you are a limited edition!!!
Photo credit: Kimazing Photography
Are you in need of change in one area of life or another? Are you sick and tired or doing the same thing and getting the same results? I'm sure if we are honest there is at least one area of our life that we can use a change. Well, this weekend during the CHANGE HER Women's Conference hosted by Shameka Danieles of CHANGE Church, we were reminded of the importance of evolving as women. Change is tough but it is necessary for those who desire to take hold of everything God has for them. Having a growth mindset and being willing to make small daily changes and tweaks can benefit us in ways unimaginable, but through it all, we must give ourselves grace.
So often, we are looking to others to bring about the change we need instead of looking within. In the words of the late, Indian leader Mahatma Gandhi, Be the change you wish to see in the world. But remember, you don't have to do it on your own.
If you are looking for a tribe of women to walk with, in your quest to evolve, change and grow, consider joining our Beyond Brilliant Network, which is comprised of other clear, confident, and courageous women committed to doing the same - (www.BeyondBrilliantNetwork.com).
If you are looking for someone to help you develop a plan and to hold you accountable in your journey, consider adding me to your team, as your own personal Confidence Coach (www.TheRealNicoleSteele.com).
If you are looking for a place to grow in your faith and to gain real practical tools to help you embrace change and move to new levels, most definitely consider checking out CHANGE Church and Pastor Dharius Daniels, which offers live locations in Atlanta, New Jersey and a virtual program for a global audience -https://www.lifechange.org/
As you start this wonderful Wednesday hop over to www.ShesCrownedWithConfidence.com to learn more about Dr. Nicole Steele’s new book The Tale of Ten Crowns: Regaining Your Confidence And Reclaiming Your Crown. A must read for women and girls of all ages.
What do you need in this season? Is there anything lacking in your life that would help you SHINE brighter and show up more BRILLIANTLY in the world? Is there something missing that you have been searching for or perhaps there is something you didn't realize was missing until now? I encourage you to take an intentional pause in your day to consider the things listed. If you see something you need, go ahead and TAKE IT. It's available to you on this day and every day.
Are you too hard on yourself? We hold onto our shortcomings and conveniently forget our successes and positive qualities. It’s not easy to expect others to respect, like, or love you if you don’t love yourself.
While we find it easy to love others, it’s much more challenging to appreciate ourselves. We often allow others to take advantage of us. We tolerate unhealthy relationships. We overeat. We waste our valuable time. We have goals that are far beneath our capabilities. We place the weight on others to give us the affirmation and approval that is at our fingertips.
As you wrap up this year and prepare your mind for the year ahead, I encourage you to consider doing the following:
Contrary to what many industry experts, courses, programs, workshops, and training sessions would have you believe, I firmly believe that everyone is born with the level of confidence they require to live out their life, their purpose, and their journey.
Let me ask you – Have you ever really noticed a child? When a baby is born he’s free and full of confidence. The baby is confident, when he/she cries for milk, it appears, when he poops, someone appears to clean it up. Have you noticed a toddler, how confident a child is about what he wants, and how he clearly communicates without prejudice or hesitation? Almost till the age of 6-10 years, there is an abundance of self-confidence and effectiveness in communication.
Post that age, we start gathering the baggage of life – every time someone says – “Are you sure?”, “Work hard so you don’t fail”, “You should not fail!”, “A lot depends upon you!”. We feel the fear of failing and slowly start to resist taking on big challenges so as not to face that fear. Over time (years) even though people outside may stop saying it, our mind remembers all the times we failed in something & slowly the self-doubt starts to add layers over and over. Now a confident, outspoken and fully self-expressed child slowly starts to doubt & second guess himself.
We are filled with experiences of failures, rejections and belief in our incompetency. And as there is a need for confidence in the market, and different industries, we are always looking to collect news, and education, we put up a facade of false self-confidence & project it to the world, hoping no one would find out.
However, inside there is a huge conflict between what we are really feeling and what we are pretending to be so that we may be accepted, acknowledged & appreciated. Over time this gap continues to eat us inside, like a termite, and increase the experience of something lacking.
Let's face it, parenting can be tough, especially in this day and age. So how can we help our daughter's maneuver the challenges of life while also building their self-confidence?
#1 STAY READY
The timing of when your kids are ready to connect may not always match yours. So, make it a habit to be ready and available when they are. It may not always be convenient but being available will always pay off.
#2. STAY HUMBLE
Take the pressure off of yourself to know it all. Parenting doesn’t come with a manual. Believe me, your daughter knows things you don’t know, and that is okay. Always approach your children with humility recognizing your own mistakes and shortcomings so that they feel free and safe to recognize their own.
#3. ACTIVATE YOUR ACTIVE LISTENING
It is very normal to be focused on getting across the things that are important to us when communicating to with our kids. However, practice letting them talk first and then make it a point to lean in and listen fully including with your facial expressions and body language. Frequently say “tell me more” or repeat what you heard them say.
#4. GET INTO THEIR WORLD
Investing in their interest can yield a big return when it comes to connecting with your kids. Don’t try to engage in deep conversation without first investing the time into the things that matter most to them. Consider spending 10 minutes with your child a few times a week doing something they enjoy. When it comes time to engage at a deeper level, they will be more likely go with you.
#5. PRACTICE WHAT YOUR PREACH
Kids are very observant and at the end of the day, what we say doesn’t matters as much as what we do. Make it a habit to lead by example and practice what you preach. For example, if you say no phones at the dinner table, all phones, including yours, should be in the other room.
#6. BE EMPATHETIC
Take note to how your kids feel and acknowledge it. Don’t always try to fix the problem but be vulnerable and teach your kids to do the same, even it means sharing areas of vulnerability in your own life.
#7. ALLOW KIDS TO FAIL FORWARD
Allow a safe space for your kids to fail. The reality is we all learn from our mistakes, so allow your kid to make mistakes (within the bounds that they do not harm them or anyone else mentally, physically or emotionally). Remember, failure can build reliance and grit and help our kids gain skills that will be helpful as they progress through life.
#8. GIVE THEM RESPONSIBILITY
Dish out age-appropriate responsibilities while they are young. It is better to give your kid responsibility now and teach them how to handle that responsibility while they are under your supervision, guidance and leadership. When they are adults, they will have had practice making good decisions and creating better habits.
#9. ASSUME THE BEST
Your child is developing opinions, philosophies, and ideas. Support them in their quest and don’t assume they are being “smart” or rude. Use their remarks as conversation starters.
#10. PRAY FOR YOUR KIDS
This may seem to be a given, but you’d be surprised how many parents easily overlook this important tip. The most important thing we can do in this crazy world we live in, is to pray for and cover our kids in prayer. God loves your kids even more than you do but has entrusted them to you. As a parent, you don’t have to raise them alone. God is with you.
Which five can you focus on this week?